Archive | Football RSS feed for this section

‘Twas the Week Before Seattle

19 Dec

‘Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the state

The Red Sea was stirring, we could all hardly wait;
Sunday Night Football’s bus had arrived in Glendale,
As had the Seahawks, and their defense from Hell;

The players are well rested from a mini-bye week;
But we face a tough team on a giant win streak;
Nine-point underdogs, the Vegas odds did read,
And Chris Simms says a loss is already guaranteed.

Never mind that the hosts are undefeated at home,
The 12th Man expects to take over our dome.
ESPN already anointed the Hags the number one seed,
While the Cards are predicted to dance with Drew Brees.

These insults have been added to more injuries too,
As Ellington was sent to IR, along with his boot.
And with Lindley now under center, who would disagree,
That the Cardinals would have to rely on their incredible D?

But under the leadership of Bidwill and Keim,
These are not the Cards that pinch pennies and dimes.
They built a roster with names seemingly pulled from a cup,
And the Coach urged them on with a call for “Next Man Up”:

“Now, Carson! Or, Drew! Crap, Ryan and Logan!
On, Andre! On, Stephan! Or, Marion, no Kerwynn!
From the top of the depth chart, the names started to fall,
And the practice squad ranks were given the ball!”

This is what December football is really about,
A battle of attrition, where healthy teams win out;
And as Seattle rounds back into Super Bowl form,
Many Cardinals are stuck “Physically Unable to Perform”.

But hope is not lost, this team still has some juice,
So long as they follow the Head Coach named Bruce.
He is a funny guy, so full of bluster and smack.
“Game management?” he asked, “Hell no, we attack!”

He dresses in a kangol, and black-rimmed frames,
He holds court at the presser before each of his games;
The rest of his crimson apparel is approved by Nike,
And for that I am sure he got his overpriced pullover for free.

His eyes—how they twinkle! His dimples, how merry!
His cheeks are like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth spews curses with ease,
So much so that his message gets lost between bleeps;

If I recall correctly, Canadian whiskey was his drink of choice,
Don’t ask me to repeat it, I’m saving my voice;
For the Nest will be rocking when Bruce and his crew,
Punch the Hawks in the mouth and the blood starts to spew.

The Defense, we know, is the key to this game;
Even though it lacks a legitimate Pro Bowler name.
Calais should get the nod, I think most would agree,
He’s the one NFL Network thinks is Karlos Dansby.

Now it’s almost Sunday, the time for talking is done,
The winner of this game is the NFC’s number one.
I am sure that we will get a hell of a game,
But after this season, the fifth seed would be a shame.

With Arians at the helm, this team can surprise,
In a game that will command the attention of America’s eyes.
And I heard him exclaim, as team prepared to take flight—
“Underdogs again? Let’s give those bastards a fight!”

Advertisements

Disappointed in My Team

11 Sep

Cards

If you’ve followed my blog, you’ve seen all sorts of gear with the Arizona Cardinals logo.  I am a huge Cards fan, and it isn’t often that I feel shame for that.  But they’ve finally put me over the edge.

If you’ve been following the Ray Rice saga in the NFL, you know domestic violence is the hot topic of the day.  So you might think that NFL teams might shy away from men with assaults on women in their histories.  But not my Cards.  They just signed Chris Rainey as a running back.  NFL running backs in the NFL are pretty interchangeable.  So why is Chris Rainey a poor choice for this highly disposable position?  Well he has a bit of a history.

2010: Chris Rainey texted a women he had formerly dated for three years, “Time to die, b—-“. He was arrested for aggravated stalking. At the time he was the 27th player arrested at UF since Urban Meyer took over. He was also banned from speaking to the media because of inappropriate comments he made about coeds at the time.

2013: The Pittsburgh Steelers waived Chris Rainey after he was arrested for dragging his girlfriend out of a car and slapping her across the face, according to police reports. They were arguing about his cell phone.

July 2013: Chuck Pagano announces Rainey has been released from the Indianapolis Colts, citing, “It’s unfortunate and a violation of team rules. It was an in-house deal, that’s all I’m going to say about that.”

September 2014: Arizona Cardinals sign Rainey one day after the infamous Ray Rice video surfaces.

Sounds like a quality pick-up.  I totally understand why the Cards would stare down public backlash by signing someone with this record.  He will make huge dividends for the team.  Oh wait.  He’s just on their practice squad!   For those of you who don’t know, practice squad guys don’t dress for game day.  So the Cardinals catch all that hell for a guy who won’t even contribute on Sundays?  Like I said, disappointed.

But my ire does not end with the Cardinals.  In discussing this with other fans, I get the sense that there is a perception out there that women are somehow inferior to a favorite sports team.  Fans bemoan my “lynch mob mentality” and demand that Rainey be given a second chance.  From the timeline above, I think you’d agree, dear reader, that Rainey blew through his second chance long ago.  I am all for second chances.  I believe any of us can make a terrible decision in the heat of a moment.  I believe paying for those mistakes, learning from them, and becoming a model citizen.  Only then, should second chances be considered.  Does Chris Rainey sound like a model citizen to you?  Has he learned anything from his multiple arrests?

Yes he has.  If you can run fast with a football, you can get away with anything.  And (some) fans will cheer you all along the way.